~~ An illogical circuit gate in Physics lab~~
(fiction story)
Mathematics is my love and from the moment of class 10, I dreamed of having PhD in mathematics. So to get this superlative dream fulfilled, pursuing graduation in mathematics was a next step which I had to cover. In first year of graduation as this journey, topics like mechanics and electronics would give such hurdles, I was aware of it, but these moments would have been so memorable, I hardly guessed it. For somebody very poor in physics like me, integration and derivatives of hilarious equation was often distracting me from the physics book as a pole of magnet would repel its similar pole. First year Bsc was definitely an exciting stage where I found numerous friend on my college and I loved being with them on their time of necessity, but along with my friends, I felt as if here is my destiny waiting for me to take the highest summit of all time.
Life will never be the same again. For what I was pleasured of, in my first year Bsc, I may not be able to forget it for eternity. Perhaps After my graduation, I am not sure if I shall be even remembering the Newton first law of motion, but because of physics, I have found something here which I can never forget, nor shall be willing to forget for rest of my life. the forgettable moment linked with the logical circuit gate looked like it was written to happen “to be written by some permanent markers” forcefully in corner of my heart despite I never wanted this particular story to get it published in front of world.
After the end of teacher’s strike in Mumbai University, practical classes for physics laboratory was kicked off. We were supposed to oscillate there every Wednesday and Thursday. Although physics theory was indigestible by me, its practical were never boring because I loved being there. Moreover I had started loving atmosphere of physics because of unlimited fun we had shared when handling resistance box and digital-meter. With new friends around me, I had found myself really happy and frankly saying, I was happy to find myself happy after such a long interval. This looked like the pain I got earlier from my life was just negligible in front of these joyous moment.
In this crowd of book muggers and class bunkers, there was someone whose presence had spread fragrance all over laboratory room. That could be another reason why I am recently in love with my physics manuals and apparatus, definitely! Since the first day I attained practical, my heart had unusual beating as if someone as very close neighbor of my heart is just beneath me. I classified her in group of princess with no second thought. In front of her, although my lips was always tight, I recognized her realistic presence in my life from the very day, almost deciding of getting my kingdom surrendered to this beautiful stranger. I would have definitely not minded if world would have nicknamed her as Hitler II, just to act myself as laser beam that could be the continuous source of propagation of happiness and success in her life and in her love. Don’t know why I was in hurried to do this, but the every time I asked this question myself, I was answered “not to be worried suraj”.
For somebody like me failing regularly in the subject of beauty and stylish, Describing her beauty was never a cup of my tea. But it was just a dominance of this stranger in my mind and heart, which had short-circuited my entire knowledge of outer world and whether that be day or night, my thought used to be deviated to remember her asking myself again, “what can be the purpose of this black beauty coming to my life”?
Yes, black beauty because she was the one who used to be decorated most of time in black dresses. Either that be a modern dress of top and jeans, or classical dress, in every appearance, she was undoubtedly an angel for me. Because of this, I can confidently say that “black must be her favorite color”. Like a super-romantic Hindi movie her partially colored brown hair used to blow in wind, leaving me with another question, “is she really actress of my life for whom I am waiting for so long?”
These types of debate were always running in my life, and so the time until that day once again in physics lab……..
I was enjoying my physics practical on the day of Thursday. Our group was supposed to evaluate De-Morgan’s theorem in circuit gate. Soon, I happened to see the same girl whose outlook had disturbed me from last five months. This time it was some unusual magnetic force that was making me to see her and only her. Along with this logic gate, I was trying to find out what is really connection with this girl which is making me think her again and again? She had already noticed my starring, but giving no care what can be the result, I was only and only looking at her as if I have valuable assignments to submit in no time today, giving no interest in physics practical result.
Every time I have found her near my surrounding, I had a reason to smile which often twinkled my face just like a fully charged capacitor. Perhaps there was no such link as of two logic gate, between Anamika, ‘girl of my life’ and this stranger, still I have been finding Anamika in her since the first day I happened to saw her. Recently, I have not talked with any of these two girls, but keeping them in my heart was just a joyous.
Yeah, her appearance often and often reminded me about anamika. But in the eye of that girl whose name I never knew till today, I was trying to find myself just because she was sitting 5 meters far from me. With ambition of knowing her name, I starting checking attendance file in physics practical room. 3 girls in her group, I know the name of other two. I tried to apply few logics and then found her name: Nisha, Vandana and Neha! This means, the sweet name I am trying to know is “Neha”!
It was really stupid of me to see her continuously for 90 minutes, isn’t it? Whatever is, I felt like finding some logical connection between Neha and Anamika! Life happy again! Hurray…
I always feel like writing for my anamika, and in this moment the poem might not be better, still love to dedicate it for her…
“You are my friend, the one who was with me in every nightmare
You are my love, one who had taught me start loving myself
You are my passion, and the one who had made me realize my ambition
You are my destiny, the one who have shown the way to my destination"
Like an angel, I still loved you, keeping you in my mind and soul
Although you are now not with me, I never stopped planning my life with you
You hardly replied me in these occasions; still I often interacted with you
Missing you was painful, non-resistible; still I am happy on missing you
Being eager to know more about Neha, I recalled her past activities in college function. Physics was her passion and she want to go with physics in Third year Bsc. On the way of analyzing her, I got a great shock because her hobbies of dancing and painting, the same as anamika had! My god, similar outlook, comparatively same voice, similar color hair, style of walking, style of talking everything matching, I can accept this as co-incidence. But hobbies too! Even twin may not have all this similarity in them. This time I badly missed anamika and her last few words, “suraj, I am never going away from your life; instead I shall always be roaming around you from here after onwards. Yeah, you might need me and you might be missing me, and in case you happen to doubt about your importance in my life, to prove that I was really in love with you, I shall be for you and I shall be in front of you every time you open your internal heart to see me. Every time you analyze the surrounding, you shall be finding some link with them on me, I shall be always there to inspire you and to take you towards your destiny… whatever may be the cost, and I will never let you be alone…”
Yes dear, the thing is something like this…
Whenever I want myself to stop missing you, I look at the world...
but it takes no longer when I start feeling your appearance in those people whom I had already seen so much before too...
some people hair are similar like of yours,
some people voices are similar like of yours,
some have similar nose, some similar lips..
everywhere, every place, whenever I see you, then I feel like you being in front of me....
whenever I try to forget u, u are always in my mind .......
this makes u special and this makes me feel that yes, I am fallen in true love with you and I have accepted u as my true and best friend.......
I wish I could share all of these to Neha… I wish I could show her presence in my life. I wish she understand it all very soon. But modern age girl like her will think it just as “method of flirting” and however I shall try convincing her, she will never believe me.
In matter of conversation, I might had silenced many examiner in the time of viva, but this time it was black beauty who had sealed my lips and that is why I never had a single conversation or nor even I dared to smile in front of her. Whenever she used to pass nearby me, for the moment, my heart would stop beating for a while and many times I had lost on her twinkling lips... Yeah, I wish I could share all this to her, but as an individual and as a youth, I have my own responsibility and I too had a very special promise given to somebody of reaching the destination on time.
I believed on praying, but till that day I didn’t asked Neha even a single time with my lord. And I too had decided not to ask her for me ever again. Because I know, for somebody like Neha, spending life with me, it will be a truly difficult…
Then a time came where I didn’t found Neha in the entire college for full seven days… First day, I thought Neha had bunked the college, second day I thought she must be busy, third day I thought maybe she is out of station but from fourth day onwards I started getting worried. I worried if her health is really fine or not! I was praying with my god for her safe health, but still I never requested in my praying “Neha as my girl friend in my life.” I just wanted to know her health status, but whom should I ask about her!
Truly saying, her voice had irritated me lot, but this time I was dying to listen from her. I used to run far away every time she used to pass through my way, but this time I was missing her so much. I hate myself on loving her but I used to love to love her lot.
Finally I was happy to see this black beauty once again in college canteen in eight day. I had missed her so badly in these eight day that I just wanted to sit in front of her and talk, talk and talk. But I was not successful again, because I never wanted her to get a single hint of my one sided love towards her. I thanked my almighty for making her safe and took a long breath of relief.
Once again in physics lab, it was a time of demonstration and skill experiment, I found her. This time it was a brownish color classical dress, Shining Black polished finger’s nail, silver color of sandal had added beauty in the physics lab.
From the discussion group of girls in physics lab, I got to know that few of them were invited by Neha. Although I was not among the invited people, I was desperate to find out what is the celebration about. From one of my very close friend, I found she was sharing that happiness on the occasion of her Engagement ceremony which she recently had…, I got to know that “her engagement was held just before few days ago” a great shock! Yes, she had a beautiful diamond ring worn in her finger and it was the first time I had seen in her hand which confirmed that she has entered into the new phase of life…
Though before day I never had any hope of getting her in my life, I felt like another biggest dream has been rejected by proprietor of Destiny Enterprises. My mind was paralyzed, letting me think no any else, but only and only her. I imagined what I could have done for that girl. Definitely, I regretted for not keeping the wishes of getting her in my praying. Although my love for that girl was never so serious, I got scared of coming future.
For the sake of her company, this time I was even ready to forget my love towards mathematics to be with her in senior lab of physics till third year. Not only theoretical portion, I would have recited up entire practical data, just to spread smile in her life. I asked myself, would time favor me if I had expressed my feelings for her much earlier? I hadn’t expressed all these perhaps because of high chance of getting denied. Moreover, Anamika was always in my mind who had sacrificed herself just to let me find my destination. I was not ready to regret those moments of starring at Neha, still it looked like I had lots of question to ask with Creator of heaven. “Moments we lost can never be restored and it’s the law of nature” and I know I must accept this condition.
I finally realized that the circuit link I found in physics lab was just an illogical circuit which had no any valid connection. However and whatever we may try of linking any two different moments of our life, the final call has to be made by destiny itself. And not the least, we miss something special on our life just after we realized, they can never be ours.
Regarding Neha, I shall try not exposing all these with you till my last breath, but because your presence disturbs me so much, I just wish , we never meet again…..
Days will pass, and night may rule here,
But love for you will never dry just because of fear
You were with me, and shall always be for ever
I promise, will never be created here anymore drops of tear
I just wish you be always happy and you always smile
all the best for your rest of life….
And, may my god keep you always happy, my praying are always there for you…
And don’t worry Neha, I shall never let myself suffer because of you, instead, I am more determined to reach my aim and touch the summit, I shall too be smiling, smiling forever and ever and the thing I can definitely promise, I shall never be able to forget you………..
Regards, with love from this stranger…
Suraj
